I’m sitting on my yogamat. Breathing in deeply and then bowing my head towards my heart like the teacher asks me to do. ‘Set an intention for the class’ he says. ‘It can be a word, or a phrase, just stay with the first thing that comes into your mind’. I try to let a word or a phrase come to me. But there are a thousand words and phrases screaming at the inside of my brain. ‘What the hell am I doing? Why did I chose this path? Wrong. No good. I feel alone. Scared. I don’t have enough friends, like other people. Why do I push the people who love me away? WTF? WTF? WTF?’
I heard this and many more things for over a month now, and they would claw themselves at the inside of my skull, with no intention of letting go. I felt how my breath was shallow, way to high up into my chest. While I was teaching other people how to breath in deeply, I struggled with my own. My heart felt as a big cold stone, heavy in my chest. Setting an intention seemed to be the last thing I was capable off.
And then, like lightning, it hit me. Firing up my inside, warming my heart again. That one word that set me on fire was; ‘Trust’. I heard it loud en clear all of a sudden. It came from a deep place within, clawed his way up trough all the words and phrases that where screaming for the loudest, cleared them all away with its bright light and shined trough my whole body. ‘You have to trust again. Put trust in everything you do. Put it in yourself, the choices you made, difficult as they may have been. Trust that life is a process. Trust that the universe will bring you blessings and challenges. This is your challenge right now. Let go. Let yourself be carried.’ The words where very, very clear. And I knew it where the exact right ones.
It’s the hardest thing to do tough. Trusting that everything will pass. The pain but also the joy. It leaves small diamonds inside your heart and sometimes you pick one up, holding it against the sun, so you see all the bright colors shining trough. You will learn from all your experiences. You will feel like shit sometimes. You will feel euphoric the next. You will doubt big live choices. But when you made them, don’t look back. Ride the wave with all it’s ups and downs. Trust. Trust the process. Trust the process that is life.